A little drop of happiness

Dear blogger,

Today was my bad day.
The software I installed cannot work properly,
it was installed improperly, with error.
When this happen, usually, I will get him to help me solve it,
since, he is a programmer, a computer software technician.

But this time, he didn't.
He was busy. I told him my problem, but he thought it is just a small case,
and he end up with an ignorance.
I was totally mess up in that instant.
The software is very important to me, I have to use it as my tool to finish the drawing.
That's why I requested for his help.
He didn't reply me after this message:
"Uninstall the program in the control panel, then local the files in C drive", that's it.
The problem isn't that easy to be solved, man.
I have done the method before you taught me.
I needed you.
But , again, you end up with your busyness.
You ignore me.

I tried in another approach- search for another programmer.
He might be a freak, but a least he helped, and he manages to get my problem solved.
When I send this guy a message, asking for help, he phoned me back.
This guy is just my normal friend, but he cares me much more than you.
I am not trying to compare but it is too obvious that
you bring me down, again and again, showing no care.
I am upset.
Then what?
I told myself to be understanding, patient and think positively.
I am doing it all the time.
But it always end up with disappointment.
I really wonder how important am I in your heart.
Or you just place me in the bottom tip part, some kind like the flat keel of the ship?
I feel exhausted all the time but I don't want to give up so easily like that.
The hardship of our relationship is not as simple as other people can make it.
We are two different character of people yet we can make it until now.
It has been a hard time for us.

I just need more security and care from you.
I feel like nothing, feel alone all the time.
You ask me to face the reality, do not hide from the true world,
so how do you do?
How can I get back to the track?
How can I survive from this?
You think that I am an independent person.
Yes, I do, but only for camouflage.
I have to protect myself before people hurt me.
But now I have you, why I can't be a lesser independent-person?
So that I can count on you.
Rely on you.

There are so many questions embedded in my mind.
I never found the answer.
You never give me the answer.
You never try to solve the question like how you did in your study.
I am nothing but less important that your programming, your friends, your own thing.
I am always the last one you care.
So, how?
What should I do?
Such a foolish question.
You wouldn't tell me what and how to do.
You will just ask me to face the reality, face the true world.
And one more thing,
You goodnight wish is lack of kindness.
Its empty.
I hate it.
Goodnight!